So I had the most wonderful conversation with Jesus Christ recently. I hadn’t felt His presence in what seemed like eons. I had decided to push on in prayer, through sheer force of will, and just hope for the intimacy to be restored — it feels like walking through hot smoke and ice water when I can’t feel my Lord near me.

I don’t know what caused him to show up out of the blue, one afternoon. But I had recently gone through a huge personal struggle about being upset with my status at work, and ultimately, consulted the scriptures and decided to pursue humility. If I were to guess, it was this conscious decision that brought my Lord near me, as humility always brings God closer to us (Micah 6:8; James 4:6-8; Psalm 34:18, 51:17-18, 149:4; 1 Peter 3:3-4, 5:6; Phillipians 2:3-9; Isaiah 66:1-2; Luke 14:11; Proverbs 3:34; 2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Or perhaps it was just my continued wanting him (James 4:8, Jeremiah 29:13). But it’s not mine to know: we “walk by faith, not sight” (2 Corinthians 5:7).

At the particular moment he came to me, I was praying and  struggling with some very unhappy things in my heart. In my mind’s eye, I saw myself standing alone. Then Jesus approached me, and wrapped his arms tightly around my shoulders, resting his head against mine, my face against his shoulder. He gave me a moment of quiet, then broke the silence in a gentle but assured voice:

“I know that you feel like you’ve never belonged anywhere,” he said, slowly. “But you do — you belong here, you belong with me. I want you here with me, forever, every time you wake up, every time you go to sleep.”

Then he quoted to me from John 14:20: “On that day you will know that I am in My Father, and you are in Me, and I am in you.” And it struck me for the first time that, this wonderful man whom I admired and loved so much – I was actually a part of Him. I had always understood that Christ was in me – a piece of his heart metaphorically beating in my chest – but I had never, ever thought about, that I was a part of him.

I was in Him – who I was, in some small way, contributed to who He was. He let that sink in, with an equally amazing idea that I really did have a job to do for the Kingdom of God, that I really was chosen for a reason and tasked to maintain some crucial role in the will of Jesus Christ and His goals here on the Earth, a “member of His body,” as Paul described it. And Jesus said to me, in my mind’s eye, “you belong with me, here, forever.” He emphasized this last part: “and you are exactly the person I wanted.” I was elated. I could not think of a kinder commission he could have spoken over me. I’m still reeling, weeks later.