Love Letters to God

Sometimes I write love letters to God. They’re intensely personal, so much so that I often have to stop halfway and go play Candy Crush or something… I don’t know where the exact line of how much emotion I can handle lies, but I’ve definitely hit it a few times. This time, I decided to allow others to read.

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Jesus, my Lord, it makes me so happy to think that someday we’ll read this together in Your Presence in Heaven. I.LOVE.YOU.SO.MUCH.

I cannot believe how accepting and uncondemning You have been to me; how You work all the things in me, good and bad, to the greater good; how You walk with me, and continuously teach me, but only when the time is right to learn it; how You cover my weaker judgement with Your love, and my sins with Your suffering… Jesus, it is crystal clear that You died for me. I cannot imagine the kind of fear and claustrophobia of having instruments of torture pierce my body, violating my space and rejecting my personhood. I see nails, Lord, but You knew them intimately.

Lord Jesus, bless everyone who reads this blog, and bless the people who find it. I don’t deserve any fame, Lord Jesus, but please, allow these words to let people who are hurting find their way to greater intimacy with YOU. Let it bring in the people who need most to hear it, when they need to hear it.

God, there’s a lot I don’t understand about life, and a lot I’m still angry about — even at You… But I think a day is coming when I’ll sit beside You with a warm blanket around us both, and gently touch the nail holes in Your hands, and not give a dang about anything that happened before You.

Amen.

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For those looking for more information on becoming a Christian, I recommend peacewithgod.net.

For those without access to a Bible, I recommend Biblegateway.com, a free site with multiple online translations.

Prayer From a Stryker Frame

Lately I’ve had this poem in my head, and I thought I should definitely share it. It was written by E. Margaret Clarkson, a woman who lived with debilitating pain through much of her life. I find it extremely encouraging during times of physical pain.

A Stryker Frame was a kind of hospital bed designed to keep a person completely immobile. It was also made where it could be rotated 360°. Clarkson was awaiting surgery while she was in such a frame, some time before 1975.

I tried to seek permission to publish this work, but as the author died in 2008, and I found it in an out-of-print book, I have no idea who owns the work.

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Prayer From A Stryker Frame

Lord, I lie here,
Strapped down, motionless, almost insensible,
Skewered to this strange board
By the cruel, incredible pain;
Unable to move hand, foot, or head
Because of pain’s intensity
And the exigencies of the Stryker.
Pain racks my body through and through;
I lie on a bed of pointed, red-hot nails, Invisible forces pressing, pressing me down
Harder, harder into them…
I scarcely knew such pain could be.

Once You lay on a bed of coals,
Spiked to a stake by pain
Far beyond anything I experience now
Or can possibly imagine.
They lifted You up
Till the nails must have seared Your very soul,
Tearing Your body with the awful thud
Of a cross dumped roughly deep in a pit,
And You impaled upon it.

I lie here of my own necessity,
Hoping to be made well in time
By mystery of surgery;
Willing to be purified by pain
For my own advantage.
You hung there
Out of pure love,
Willing to be crucified, to die
For my sake;
Hoping to gain nothing for Yourself
But Heaven for me. Your anguished cry, “Forsaken!”
Wrung from parched, sinless lips,
Goes echoing down the ages; finds me here
And meets my need.
No “Why?” torments my fevered brain today
For I am not alone:
You answered all the questions
Of tortured human hearts
Once and for all. Your risen life
Within, around, above, beneath,
Supports me
In my pain,
And in Your peace I rest. They turn me over now. Circulation
And other physical requirements dictate
This painful thrust
Three times each day.

Here I lie, prostrate,
Throbbing, rigid,
Face to the dust,
Humble before Your feet.

Face to the dust, I worship You, my Lord,
In this strange, love-lit sanctuary,
Bowed by compulsion, true,
But also by new love,
Freshly born of pain,
Adoring You in wonder and in awe
Who for my sake

 Hung on Your cross.
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Relevant Scriptures:
Isaiah 53:3 (which is talking about Jesus)
For those who want to learn more about Christianity or wish to speak to a live counselor, I recommend peacewithgod.net.

Good Friday

As with many families with small children, here we are this night of Good Friday, celebrating by just doing the things we would be doing any other day. Toys are strewn about, snack leftovers are on the table, and the TV is playing in the living room. As my kids fall off to sleep, I’m now the only one awake in this dark room, the sole spectator to the end of Return of the Jedi. As I watch Darth Vader and Luke’s dramatic lightsabre duel and Vader’s ultimate turn back to good, I find something in the film’s emotions calling my mind back to Christ. I remember a time many years ago, the same year that Star Wars: Episode III came out. I remember saying to myself, “Vader was looking for immortality through evil, power, and medical treatments…and he never found it…until he gave up his life to save Luke.” Something in the idea would not let me go, and before the year was out, I knew my heart was calling out to Christ. I was sensing something I would later hear and know more clearly from the scriptures: Jesus’ words “Whoever tries to keep their life will lose it, and whoever loses their life will preserve it.” (Luke 17:33)

That idea is at the heart of salvation. It was so important to Jesus that He repeated it 5 separate times in the scriptures, with an additional paraphrase in the book of John. While I no longer remember much of Episode III (after all, it’s been over 10 years now!), I vividly remember having that thought. And I absolutely remember, in the months that followed, giving up my own life of sin, losing it, dieing, and finding Christ alive in its place.

A lot of people worry about losing the meaning of Easter in all the commercialism and informality that surrounds it now. And these are valid fears. But I never let it worry me. I have found, in my own time, that Christ is very skillful at rescuing and bringing home the hearts that are searching for Him.

God bless you all, and have a very happy Easter.

SCRIPTURE REFERENCES:
Luke 17:33, Matthew 10:29, Matthew 16:25, Mark 8:35, Luke 9:24, John 12:25; Luke 19:10.

For those without access to a Bible, many versions are available free online at Biblegateway.com.